Being an outsider is probably one of the best things that there is, in my humble opinion of course. Let’s not tip toe around it too much: I have always been an outsider, always felt like one at least. And to be quite honest, I absolutely love it!
Yes, there are times when it is probably one of the worst things in the world. Take sports teams, school, work; in all of those I have hard times to fit in at the start because people just don’t really know me, and I don’t really feel the need to mingle too much. And when I do feel the social pressure of fitting in and I try too hard, I almost always fail so hard. It is actually quite funny. When I am trying to fit in, I feel like such a loser either way, if I am accepted into the group or not. Why, you ask me? Well, because in those moments I am not doing things because I like them, I do them because I think they like it. Subconsciously this just feels so unnatural.
On the flip side, though, totally embracing the individual lifestyle also makes me feel quite sad at times. Not because I don’t fit in, more so that people don’t understand me well enough. Often when I just am myself and separate from the group they will think me a weirdo, a selfish person, a loner. And even now as I am typing this I notice that I am labeling and mentally judging those words, even though those words in itself are not bad at all. It really feels like an internal struggle for me to embrace my individuality because I love to connect with people and make them feel better, but at the same time I really enjoy doing my own thing and working on myself.
The trick is to find a balance between those two, without compromising yourself of course (that is about the worst you can do to yourself, but let’s not get too much side-tracked). For me I need to find a place mentally and in life where I am able to connect and enlighten other people while still being able to keep my own boundaries and work on myself. It means that I will have to accept that I am different than most people, and that sometimes people will not fully understand me. And that is perfectly okay. It is okay to sometimes feel left out by people, and it is okay to feel sad that people sometimes don’t understand me. But it is also okay to accept it when people actually do genuinely appreciate you for who you are.
One of the great things about being outsider is to know that I am crazy, weird, and just plain and simple different. I wouldn’t want it any other way, because all those things make me feel uncomfortable, and exactly that is where the most growth and learning takes place. Almost every day I am confronted with situations that I will have to accept for what they are, and to just live them completely.
If you are feeling like an outsider, and you are feeling lonely; rest assured. You are not alone. There are tons of others who also feel like that. And you know what? It is okay! Embrace your own craziness, embrace your individuality. Embrace life! Being an outsider, for me, is the best thing ever, because I know that in the end, I will stay true to myself. And myself alone.